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Only A Trigger

Pearl has written this amazing poem while in lockdown, reflecting on how the current situation has triggered a lot of memories and emotions.



         I’m as small as I was-

         No escape- because

         I have to obey,

         Nothing’s my way,

         I’m out of control,

         I’ve lost my role,

         I’m spiralling down

         Into the pit

         Where the Demons sit

         And laugh, so smug

         at my innocent cries,

         My infant ides

         In shrouds of dust,

         I know I must

         Obey this ‘man’,

         This Power, this sham.

         I have no say,

         No voice to speak,

         No sound, too weak.

         I must just breathe,

         That’s all I can do,

         I know if I breathe

         It will carry me through

         and back into sunlight, where I can be FREE,

         Back to my adult self.

         Back to be me.

         I know I can beat this,

         Can rise up and sing, 

         Its only a trigger

         This ‘Lockdown’ thing.

         BUT, I’m silent with fear, like a mouse scared to tread,

         Frightened of surfaces, scared to be dead.

         I feel unclean, unseen…..

         Only on screen,

         Storing up eye-strain,

         Developing Blue brain,

         Tapping my life out,

         Snipping my hair-

         That’s hard- to be fair.

         Thank God for Wotsap,

         Thank God I’m still 

          here to clap,

          Every Thursday.

         It’s silly I know,

         The big fear is outside,

         I’m safe in my house,

         Being Virtual mouse,

         But the Big Fear is in me,

         inside my head,

         It’s haunting and calling     

         Me down to be dead.

         I have to not listen,

         Not fall for their lies,

         I have to keep going,

         My Phoenix must rise.

         P’raps I should learn this,

         NOW may be the time,

         My jailers are long dead,

         The Demons are mine.

Posted 13 May 2020

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