The inspiration to have a life
These powerful words come from Ann one of RSVP’s inspiring clients.
I would like to speak not only to say how RSVP has helped me, but thousands of other survivors in lots of different ways.
I myself came to this wonderful organisation at the age of 59 years. From the age of 3 I had suffered abuse and pain. The feeling of being alien made me deal with the feeling of being ashamed, that you smell, and are dirty, evil and ugly. Then the mind games start. Who would believe a stupid little girl? Then as you get older the flashbacks, feeling you think people can see what is going on not only in your head but in your body too. You think all the badness is visible and the smell from the badness inside of you. You believe this so much, you think ‘if I am fat and ugly no-one will like me’ but that does not work. I was wrong, so once again I punished myself.
At the age of 3 my own dad would touch me and tell me this is what daddies do with their little girls and it is okay. Then as I got older my brother would do the same but wanted to do more things, things I never thought were possible. Then when I reached 12 years old I was held down by some boy and a so called friend and raped. Then I started my monthlies and I thought I was going to die.
Then the time of having to live with my brother and sister- in – law where they both abused me, threatening me so bad that I wanted to die. As a teenager I was raped for 24 hours by a man just let out of prison. I could not tell anyone because they would blame me, ‘the ugly little alien’ who only has one purpose in life.
Now with the help of such a wonderful organisation as RSVP I have been given a life, where I am never judged, never looked down on. To know I can share my feelings and not feel bad about it. I always thought it was my problem, why does anyone else need to know?
RSVP from receptionists, office staff, managers, counsellors, CEO Lisa, Sally Chairperson and not forgetting the trustees and fundraisers, they have all played a part in me realising I have a life and a voice. I am now a person with feelings. Thanks to counselling and social groups I no longer feel alone, now knowing I don’t need to hide anymore and having a right to show my feelings.
The greatest thing is knowing RSVP treat all their clients and members of staff and volunteers with respect and understanding, and are sympathetic, non-judgemental not only to myself but to everyone they come into contact with, making everyone’s feelings count.
I would like to say thank you to one and all who support so many people like myself. To make me understand others actions should not stop me having a life.
Thank you from so many SURVIVORS. Keep up the great job of helping so many others like myself.
Taking off the Mask – Part 2
Here’s part 2 of an incredible story from one of the survivors we have worked with…
So here I am sitting in a comfy RSVP chair with my counsellor going into my past. The words poured out. We discussed my feelings; how my words were making me feel and possible ways I could feel in order to change my coping mechanism.
Without the support of RSVP I wouldn’t be where I am now. I have learnt more about myself than I ever thought possible. I talk so much more, I cry too, not because I’m unhappy but because I can if I’m upset. I’ve learnt that it’s ok to be upset. I’ve learnt that my feelings are mine and it’s ok to feel them.
Now I have a new partner and she is so understanding. She is kind, beautiful and patient with me, she understands the length of my recovery and has spent many times with me coming to my counselling sessions and waiting in the waiting room for me.
I have had my bad days but with help of RSVP and my partner’s patience I have been able to get the help that I’ve needed, so my blips are more of a passing moment than a troublesome few weeks.
I am on anti-depressants but I don’t see this as a bad thing. It simply means that I have an illness, and just as you would take paracetamol for a headache, I find anti-depressants helpful in controlling my illness.
I have a good job that I enjoy and I also completed an introductory level in counselling. Since completing my counselling with RSVP, I have gone on to raise money for them and I’m currently giving some spare time to help them with a few things on a voluntary level. It’s my way of saying thank you for their hard work and continued support.
My partner and I have been on a couple of holidays together and this year we’re taking my children away. It will be the first time that I have been abroad with them, I’m so looking forward to it.
My partner and I live together and I find that since I learnt to take my mask off, when I giggle with her it is real, I laugh because I am happy.
I still get on with my ex-wife, we work through things with our children and I am there for them every day and continue to provide for them. I see them on a daily basis and FaceTime or text them all the time.`
I’m not saying that my journey has all but ended, I still have a way to go yet, but the road that I am on is clearer and for the first time in my life I have no mask and I am not running.
I think and feel more clearly. If I’m struggling, I talk about it. I’m more open and honest about how I’m feeling. There is a saying that I picked up during this journey that will always stay with me:
This seems very fitting for my journey. I have changed what I do and opened up and now what I get back has also completely changed. All of this would never have been possible without the help, guidance and support of RSVP.
Thankfully my story still continues with a more positive outlook.
Thank you RSVP.
If you would like to find out more about the work of RSVP, please don’t hesitate to contact us.
Taking off the Mask – Part 1
Here’s part 1 of an incredible story from one of the survivors we have worked with…
My story begins when I was referred to occupational health from work. The occupational therapist was a lovely lady, I spoke briefly to her about what had been going on in my life, and she quickly and helpfully forwarded me on to a counselling service.
I had an appointment but had my reservations, I have had counselling in the past but it didn’t seem to work, however I was advised to be truthful, open and not to sit there and tell them what I think they wanted to hear! To be honest, in the past I never did any of those things, but this was different, I wanted to do this right, I was determined.
The day had come for the counselling, I was nervous and wasn’t sure what to expect. I sat in the waiting room, thinking to myself ‘I need to do this’, and practising what I was going to say when I went in.
My name was finally called and I went into the counselling room. I sat on the sofa and I was nervously fidgeting and playing with my fingers as we began.
I started by telling her about my grief and how my marriage had ended, before talking a little about my childhood and my poor relationship with my mum. I’d been bullied at school and never really had a place you could call home.
As we were coming to the end of that session the counsellor asked me if there was anything else I would like to talk about. Suddenly it came out, I replied, “Yes I was abused when I was 11”, the counsellor said that she had been waiting for me to say it. I cried like I’ve never cried before, it had finally come out and I had finally opened up.
Once I had started I didn’t stop, I opened up about my childhood from the beginning; the only problem was that my work would only cover the cost of six sessions. On my last session the counsellor explained that I might need to get more counselling and referred me to RSVP.
I had been given a number which I needed to call to arrange the counselling. I had to pluck the courage to do this. I spent a few days thinking over the prospect of what I was going to go through, thought and pictured every conceivable outcome, except for one, how supportive and compassionate that RSVP would be.
When I made the initial call the receptionist was warm and understanding and I was later re-contacted and offered an appointment to have an assessment. On the day of the assessment I travelled to the offices of RSVP and waited in reception. I was so nervous but the kind counsellor put me at ease. She took me into a lovely room, where I sat in comfort with a cushion on my lap and we talked about everything, not just about my abuse, but about my childhood as a whole. She agreed that I would benefit from some counselling. She also asked me if I hated the man who had taken advantage of a vulnerable lost and heartbroken 11year old. At that time I said no.
It was time for my counselling, I was determined to speak openly and honestly. I had a lovely lady, a volunteer counsellor, who was patient with me and we took our time to unravel my childhood.
I don’t want to use this blog to go into too much detail about what happened to me while this man took advantage, but needless to say I was vulnerable, my mum was not in a place where I could talk about my bullying, let alone my abuse.
During my counselling we discovered that my coping mechanism as a child had continued into my adult life. You see during my marriage I would have episodes of depression where I would get drunk and just want to go off somewhere. I have now come to realise this is me ‘running’ just as I did as a child. My drinking was learned watching my mum cope through drinking. I never trusted men since ‘him’, I could only ever really trust women.
Unfortunately drinking and ‘running’ didn’t work well within my marriage but now I understand why I was doing what I did when I struggled to cope. I wasn’t happy, I was just getting on with things; I would hide my feelings and lock them away, I began to be in a rut all on my own, most days I was just wearing a mask. No one knew the anguish inside.
Find out more about how the story ends in part 2, coming soon.
If you would like more information on the work of RSVP, please don’t hesitate to contact us.
Running the healing road…part 2
In part 2 of the blog, we hear how running, coupled with support from RSVP, has helped a survivor to heal…
After a few months of running I completed a 5k (3.1 mile) event, then later a 10k (6.2 mile) event. Amazingly I now can run 13.1 miles without stopping! I set myself the task of running my first half marathon last year and can honestly say it’s one of the proudest moments of my life. My initial aim was to run it without stopping but as the date got closer I became competitive with myself and set the goal to run it in 2 hours 15 minutes- I did it in 2 hours 13 minutes and 38 seconds!
There was no doubt in my mind that I would run and fundraise for RSVP because this charity will always hold a special place in my heart. The journey of training to run 13.1 miles was both a physical challenge but also a rewarding and healing one. Every time I stepped out the house for a run I thought of RSVP and what they did for me and what the money I was running for could do for others. I have proudly raised over £700 in total from this but I will always be in debt to those at RSVP who continue to support me through this unfair and unjust traumatic experience. There were times along the route that tears filled my eyes but not of sadness but of hope and peace for both myself and other sexual abuse survivors. Although I can see the progress I have made over the years I know that this healing journey will be a life-long one and I am not alone- it most certainly was NOT my fault.
Both RSVP and running have taught me to be kind to myself and that it is okay to let the tears flow. I am now delighted to be invited to help other survivors who want to try running through a running group, delivered jointly by RSVP and GINA, a social enterprise for survivors. I hope to be able to encourage others to set off on and run their own ‘sexual abuse healing road.’
If you would like to join Gina’s survivor running group, read more here www.gina.uk.com
Running the healing road…part 1
Here’s part 1 of an inspirational story from one of the amazing survivors we’ve worked with…
Last year I ran my first half marathon and chose to fundraise for RSVP. A few years ago, if you had told me that I would be running 13.1 miles I would have laughed and said ‘never!’ However, here I am today still feeling very proud of my achievement. My journey to running the ‘sexual abuse healing road’ began when I went to my GP to talk about feeling down and tearful. After listening to me he asked whether I had ever been sexually abused and while I was shocked, I was relieved that he had asked too. His question opened a very tightly shut and hidden box. What followed was the worst time of my life. Although I knew that I needed to allow this box to be opened, in order to deal with the contents, it was hard. I had tried to talk about what had happened to me many years before, but my disclosure wasn’t greeted with the support it required. Hence I was very thankful that my current GP had the courage to ask me a very sensitive question because I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for this.
I’d heard about RSVP through a friend and after contacting them I had 6 months worth of counselling. Although they were the most difficult 6 months of my life, I will always have fond memories of the very caring RSVP volunteer counsellor who gave up her evening to listen to me. RSVP counsellors and volunteers truly deserve the biggest gold medals. It became a bit of a mood lightener when I used to bring in boxes of tissues with me, because I felt so bad using all theirs, with the amount of tears I shed!
For me the work of RSVP is life-saving because they were there for me when no one else knew what to say or how to deal with my tears. I was able to let go of all the sorrow, shame, grief, loneliness, tears, anger and many other emotions in a safe and caring environment. I have learnt a lot about myself and how what happened to me has shaped me as a person. I now understand the importance of acknowledging and accepting my emotions even the bad and the ugly ones. I now feel how I feel and no longer try to automatically change my feelings. If they feel too raw and painful at first, I ‘feel’ them and accept what they are and how they are part of the healing process. I now know that there is a part inside me that was hurt beyond words and had to deal with the physical and emotional trauma alone. Everyday I can now tell that part that she is loved and I believe her.
I began running in 2012 initially as a way to lose weight. However, I soon became aware of the positive effects it had on my mental, emotional and physical well-being. At first I could only run for a few minutes at a time before I had to stop and rest, but over time I gradually built these few minutes up.
Find out what where running took her, part 2 of the story coming soon
If you would like to join Gina’s survivor running group, read more here www.gina.uk.com