Created not to be used

Created not to be used, abused yet to be me

Placed in a family of love and expectation. Free

Misguided choices from others led me into a situation no one else knew about

A secret harboured, kept close for too many years- I kept it quiet- I didn’t shout it out

 

Aiming to please, to be told how great I was I learnt new ways to please

Experienced strange sensations and could blank some of them out with ease

What started off as having fun was part of his game plan

He got me to think it was normal, as if he was like every other uncle- every man

 

Yet other men don’t prey on girls that are just 4 years old

And little girls just want to please and do as they are told

My normal became distorted and my view of the world changed

He should have looked after me not used me as if it was a game

 

I didn’t like it when he had his friends come round to play

They watched me please him, gave me sweets and then had their own way

I still don’t know what happened to the photos that they took

It’s like the memories come flooding back if I look in our family photo book

 

My nightmare ended when I was twelve -I still do not know why

A family argument they said- He’s no longer that nice guy.

 

I often wonder if someone knew what had happened to me

I was too scared to tell my family, to let my experiences be freed

I’m still afraid of them finding out, It would hurt their feelings hard

I am so glad that a colleague I told gave me an RSVP contact card.

My story now it is believed and nothing’s too bad to say

I can talk and write about how I feel any time of night and day

I know it wasn’t my fault it happened- they’ve helped me believe that in my heart

And slowly but surely with listening ears I’m being restored,

re-empowered, made whole- not just in part.