Ghost

You’re my ghost.

In the back of my mind.

The night we spent together haunting me.

Where are you?

Your name makes me shudder.

I recognise the smell of you.

Leave me alone!

Invading my thoughts and fantasies…

Biting kisses, forceful pushes and cries of pain.

Your fingers snake around my neck.

In my mouth.

I beg, I turn away, push you off me.

Pain.

Again and again and again.

Removing your hand again, again.

Clutching at the mattress with no relief.

Moaning in fear of force.

Blood splattered.

Squeezing me tight.

I close my eyes.

And then your hand goes again.

I go quiet.

Staring at my shelves.

Rectangular, ordered.

Block it out.

I sleep with my arms around you,

We kiss goodbye.

Sitting in the showers I cry.

Agony.

I can’t sit.

I can’t pee.

What’s happened to me?

Only I cry and hold the pain.

In the darkness you push my head down again.

Body broken, bruised in bad places.

I must carry on, this is just another

Day.

The chance I have you after your call to meet

Small talk.

Excuses at every block.

Confusion at every question.

Stumbling

Silence.

Every place on campus,

A tag on Facebook,

Snagging at memories.

Me gagging.

Your words burn.

I struggle to see anything worth inside of me.