Poem by a survivor

A survivor has kindly asked us to share the following piece of poetry.  Writing poetry can help survivors find their voices during difficult and stormy times.  We are very grateful to the survivor for sharing their poetry and we hope it can help other survivors too.

Feeling in Turmoil

Feeling in turmoil, like a boat tossed around in turbulent swells.
Remembering, like watching a 3d film, looking on. Watching. Listening. Feeling.
Distant yet there.
Removed. Not reacting. Submitting. Conforming. Letting it happen. Confused.

Acknowledging my responsibilities as a child were not as an adult’s.
I was there. It was happening to me yet….
It was not my fault.
It was not my fault, just as I am not responsible for the storms at sea.
It was not my fault, for I was the child in his care.
It was not my fault, even though my adult mind may creep in thoughts that it was.

Heading into calmer waters and seeing things through clearer glass.
Talking to someone who is not shocked, who listens and has the patience to hear what I don’t say.
Attempting to let go from trying to process myself
Memories stirred up, triggered by normal events of life.
My mind dealing with a torrent of emotion, feelings so real, inside so deep.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Boats are not designed to stay in harbours yet sail free.
My life, my boat, it’s resting in calm safe shores.
Being repaired of the unseen damage not spoken of from years gone by.
Rotten wood being gently unearthed and exposed to see the true beauty that lies beneath.
A hull being restored-stronger without blemish or scarring from its past.
That’s my boat. It will be.
Heading out into the oceans of life, not looking back.